We all go through ups and downs in life, some are noticeable and some we skillfully hide from the world around us. Honestly, I am someone who loves to share my blessings, my joy, my happiness, and hide my pain, trails, and challenges from most people. I have a small group of trusted people that I confide in when things get tough, and these select people are the ones who really get the front row seats to my spiritual growth. I often wonder how much more of an inclusive and comforting place the world would be if we took time to be real with each other. To sit down and tell more stories, and not only the ones that have a happy ending. I need to hear the stories that are still being worked out, I need support from mentors, and friends who teach me to have strong faith in God in times of waiting. I want to practice mourning with those who mourn, even when I am in a time of praise and abundance, and vise versa.
I tell you this because as I reflect on this past year, as I sit here in this time of major transition I realize that this year was one of distinct seasons. I arrived here in Lithuania with little knowledge of the country, the people, the university that I was going to work at, my students, etc. It was summer, I had time to settle in and explore, get used to time change and having to wait until the late afternoon to call my family and friends. It was an exciting time of learning and growth, a season where the sun didn't go to bed until 10pm and got back up again at 4am. Throughout the year I experienced many wonderful events, people, places, cultures, and emotions. I have found great purpose, and confirmation that I have passion, and talent for this work. Then the winter came, and with it the darkness. At first this was a fun and interesting new experience but then I think the two hours of real light each day got the best of me, along with the approaching end of the school year. I was tired, missing home and familiarity, and wondering if I should sign up to do this again next year.
It's hard for me to admit that I ever think about moving home to California, living an easier, more comfortable life, where I don't have to count every penny, walk to the store, or miss all my friends weddings, and graduations. I wish I didn't have weak moments of doubting God's direction, or dreams of home that wake me up feeling sad and alone. These are the raw and real emotions I have battled this year. I want to share them because I don't feel like many people get to hear about these parts of my last year. Mostly I just share the good, the fun pictures, and entertaining stories. The hard parts, that only a few people get to walk through with me are the ones that make this story a well rounded one.
I am reading through the bible with an app on my phone this year and it has been an incredible experience. I have tried to do this in previous years and never made it though, maybe I was finally ready to hear it all this year. Through all these different bible stories that I didn't even know existed I have been able to relate to these humans that lived so many many years ago, because they didn't edit the bible to make themselves look better, or more heroic. These stories and psalms show the messy lives that humans are still living today and I can relate! I am so glad that we all get scared, mess up, have bad days because God is there and He cares! It's a simple truth that I often forget.
The best part about walking through a tough time with someone is the sweet chance that you get to be there for the resolution. Overall this past year of service was one of highs and lows with seasons of brightness and some of darkness that felt everlasting. But now the sun is back, things are finally green again, the birds are always singing, and I can go outside without a puffy coat on. Spring is here, summer is on its way, and for perhaps the first time in my life I can see why God created seasons. Our lives aren't meant to be an endless summer where nothing goes wrong or the opposite. Just like our famous bible characters, life is meant to be filled with times of joy, and times of mess, and the best part is we don't have to feel so alone. I have so much appreciation for the shades of green outside my window and the mildly warm temperature that I definitely would not have had, had I not gone without it for a few months of the year.
The Lord is leading me into a good season, I can just feel it. I've been rejuvenated, seen family, traveled, and had a birthday, made great new friends. I am heading into a second year of work in Lithuania where everything won't be brand new and so challenging, but familiar. I'll get to see friends again after a summer break, and start my grad school program! As I take this month to reflect on the lessons learned this past year, and focus on finishing well I am grateful, for the easy, and the hard. Thanks for being a part of it. This next year I promise to share my well rounded story in order to fully include you in my work and experience of serving the Lord in Lithuania.
